Well, I'm not off the hook yet....
Last night I went to bed hopeful I had finally solved my late night insomnia. But I woke up ahead of schedule (1:30 a.m.) with the usual brain buzz.
It was worse than ever. Rather than being plagued with anxiety about my art, I was gripped with fear over the decisions I'd made about reaching out to some of those kids I spoke of yesterday. Add to this the fear that nothing was EVER going to work for this problem. I was a mess.
I got up, though, and went to the dining room to write.
And it worked.
An hour later, I'd written through most of the anxiety and drawn up dozens of rough sketches for the new wall hangings. I'd also written three poems that could accompany the pieces. They need work, but I'm pleased with the start.
The writing calmed me down enough to read for a short while, until I could fall asleep again.
The lesson is, I may have to live with this state for awhile. But instead of it driving me, I may have learned how to harness it. Maybe I can make it take me where I want to go, for now.
I woke to the sound of the door bell at 7 a.m. I'd overslept! My friend Tanna was there with her cheerful smile and we were off for a brisk walk in the rain.
I have some peace in my heart. Not the total peace I've craved. But enough to get me through the day, which is all any of us can ask for.
And I'm making art once again.
