Someone asked for advice on a discussion forum this week. It involved asking for something for their craft biz, in this case, asking people to work in their booth. A wise woman gave the excellent advice, "just ask—you'd be surprised who'd be happy to help." But the poster immediately listed dozens of reasons why this wouldn't work, with others chiming in with THEIR lists, too.
I winced, because this response is all too familiar to me. I get it whenever I advise someone about their business. And even worse, like that famous Hair Club for Men commercial, I'm a member, too.
I am terrible at asking for help.
What is it about us that will put so much energy thinking of all the reasons no one would want to help us? Why can we think of a jillion reasons people will say "no", when all we need is ONE person to say "yes"?
Is it because we don't want to be seen as needy, or incompetent? Or a "user"? Maybe.
But maybe we should also realize that other people are adult enough to say no to us if they want to.
It's okay to ask. It's okay if they say no.
And it's astonishing when they say yes.
Last year, I'd undertaken a special demonstration-sales opportunity, and needed other people to actually sell my work, an arrangement I'd never done before. I worried and fretted for six months on how I'd find people to do this. I had a million reasons why no one would want to do it.
I can't tell you how much energy I spent thinking of all the reasons this could not happen. Let's just say it would have powered a small city for a year.
Finally, while writing in my journal one morning, I realized I hadn't even ASKED for help. And if I didn't ASK, nothing could change. I had effectively set myself and the situation in stone, unable to move in any direction at all.
What was the worst thing that could happen if I did ask for help?
People would say no.
I wouldn't die, I wouldn't look weak. Actually, I'd look successful if my biz was so big I needed more people to help run it for that show. I figured it was like that joke about the minister who desperately wants money to do good work, and prays daily to win the lottery. After a week, God finally parts the heavens in a flash of lightning and thunders, "Meet me halfway here. Buy a lottery ticket."
I realized I had to "buy a lottery ticket". If I wanted people to say yes, I had to ask the question first.
It was scary to ask people. But I did. And many did said no.
But some said yes. In fact, they said, "YES!!!" And not only were they excited to sell my work, they were thrilled I'd even asked.
It's interesting to note, too, that many of the people who said "yes" were not people I'd originally thought of asking. Once I started asking, I became more OPEN to asking. People popped into my radar I hadn't heard from in ages, and on impulse, I'd ask them.
What was wild was, with almost everyone I felt this impulse to ask, it turned out they had experience working in sales. Or marketing. Or in shows. And they were excited to be doing this for me, an artist. It became uncanny in a GOOD way how I found people to help me.
We set up a mutually agreeable compensation plan, we had a great time, and they were very, very good at selling my work. In fact, everyone volunteered to come on board again this year--and they brought friends. (This is the last year for the sales-demo venture.)
I'm sitting here in my studio this morning, overwhelmed with all the work I have to do in the next few weeks. I have orders to fill, an article to write, inventory to produce for the show. There are some things it would be easy for another person to lend a hand with, but I hesitate to ask for help.
And even as I shake my head at the people who took the time to list all the reasons they could not succeed, I recognize I've fallen back into the same bad habit myself.
Today I'm going to ask for help—again.
