I was talking with a good friend who's encountered a major setback in her career. I've spent hours listening, trying hard not to interject too many suggestions or too much advice. It's her experience to work through, not mine. There's too much mom in me to be a professional-grade listener and be totally neutral, though.
It seemed like she was thinking in circles, trying to sort things out in her head. I suggested she try journaling to work through what her next step could be. I could tell the idea was going over like a lead balloon.
As she got ready to leave, she turned to me and said, "It's just that, before all this crap happened, I was in such a perfect place. I felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to do, and I was so happy. You don't get many moments in life when you feel that way. And then that was taken away from me."
I said I'd felt that way the day I decided to go for my black belt in Tae Kwon Do ten years ago. That same day, I suffered an injury that derailed that dream for ten years.
I told her that when bad things happen, it sets off other events and paths and choices that take us somewhere else. Sometimes we end up in an even better place for it. But quite frankly, the time between that bad event, and that happy realization we ARE in a better place, sucks big time.
We laughed, and she said wistfully, "I just don't want to start over."
I opened my mouth and shut it (I hope) and she laughed again and said, "What am I saying? I'm talking to the queen of starting over!"
I said, "It took me ten years to get to where I am today." She said, "You don't want me to wait ten years to figure this out" and I said, "Exactly!"
As she left, I thought more on this. It's true—it's really hard when we realize all our plans are kaput and we have to start over. It's an awful feeling. Especially because we don't have the blissful ignorance of knowing what's really involved. Now we KNOW just how hard it's going to be.
In fact, there's only one thing worse than starting over.
And that is NOT starting over.
