We all know change is hard. If you don't, you'll find out from reading my past blog entries. I hate change and whine about it constantly.
Change is so scary, you'll find countless people in your life holding on to a bad "now" rather than even think about a different "maybe".
Some venting is normal and fun. (Admit it. I just did!)
But when you realize someone has been bitching over and over about the same stuff, year in and year out, you know you're looking at someone who's so scared of change they've got a death-grip on their status quo.
It's not a pretty sight. The spillover into their other relationships is deadly. They are not fun to be around.
What's even worse is when we DO make a change--and then recreate our same old life all over again.
I've been there, and maybe you have, too.
The woman who is always attracted to the "free spirit" men who then (surprise!) don't want to settle down with HER. The guy who always works in the same dead-end job with people who "don't appreciate him." The couple who always complains they have no social life, yet they never go to parties or invite people over to THEIR house. The person who always whines about people being mean to her, yet never stands up for herself. (My hand shooting up here.)
I'm not talking about every experience that recurs again and again in our lives. Some repetition is necessary for learning. Remember math drills in school?
Life is all about getting through difficult situations. Sometimes, though, it feels it's deja vu all over again,. We find ourselves in the same social or professional situations we've been through before. "AGAIN??!!" we may moan. "Why does this always happen to ME?"
Well, that kind of stuff happens to EVERYONE. I think sometimes we may even unconsciously choose, on some level, to recreate situations we need to overcome. There may be a definite learning curve to dealing with difficult people, boring jobs, dead-end relationships. Even when we feel we've mastered those situations, seems like there's always a pop quiz.... (What's up with THAT?)
But those can be OPPORTUNITIES, IF you APPLY your new-found knowledge. (God, I wish this software supported italics....) There's no harm in finding yourself in the same situation if you've finally figured out what to do with it.
I was once involved with a certain organization that was trouble with a capital T. It took me awhile to figure that out, but I made a graceful and I hope professional exit.
A few years later, I found myself in a very similar situation. It looked different at first, but started smelling the same very quickly. I got out a lot sooner.
Later, people who hung in there much longer, called me and exclaimed, "How did you KNOW?!" I knew because I had been there before. It's called "learning from experience." Some of us just need more experiences before learning sets in. (Like, me, for example.)
It's a problem when you recreate the same scenerio. And hold onto it just as hard as before. Remember that definition of insanity? Do the same thing, expect different results.
Don't be too hard on yourself when you finally realize what you're doing. It's human nature to recreate a comfort zone, even if that previous comfort zone wasn't really that comfortable. It's what you know, and it's familiar. A friend used to call these "flashbacks". You finally leave (or are forced out) and you are thrilled and excited--but also scared. You see a little of your former life in a situation. It looks familiar, it feels like home--and you jump for it. Bam! You've just put yourself back into a little box, which you will now outgrow even faster. Because you had a taste, no matter how small, of what that bigger box feels like....
Let's take shows. I did a few small local craft shows when I first started out. Didn't do well. But I knew HOW to do them. It was scary to do a big show the first time. I wanted to go back to what I know.
But I also finally realized that if I kept doing the same shows, I would get the same results. And I didn't want that anymore.
NOW if I were tempted to do small local shows, there's a chance it would be different. It's ten years later, I have a local reputation (although I shudder to think of what it might be) and I have a local following for my work. It's possible I could fairly well.
My choice, however, is now based on different criteria. I don't want to put too much energy into building a stronger local following. I want to put more energy into a NATIONAL audience. Or even an INTERNATIONAL audience. I'm not sneezing at local sales, and I love when I run into people who rave about my work. But my goal is bigger, and if my time and energy are finite, guess what will get my focus?
This was helpful with a bigger show I've been doing which used to do fairly well for me. It did what I needed it to do six years ago--built my income enough to take my business to the next level. I'm not sure it's doing that anymore.
I know what I could do to make that show more successful for me. But my goal is a little bigger now. Sure, I could keep doing the show. But I finally realized I wanted to keep doing the show because it's comfortable. It's what I know.
And that's not enough anymore.
So I took on a new show. So far, the jury's out on whether it will do what I need it to do for me. I'll give it another year or two, and then assess--is it the same ol' same ol'? If so, then I'll need to make a change, no matter how hard.
So make sure your big change is working for you. Because if it isn't, then all you did was swap out an old bad for a new bad.
And I guarantee that isn't going to make you feel good very long.
Remember, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably not a chicken, no matter how much you close your eyes and try to think, "Chicken...." If you like the duck, fine. But don't complain that it's always got it's rear end up in the water.
And you've got no eggs.
P.S. Please allow me my analogy and don't point out that ducks, too, lay eggs.
