Our two cockatiels are the last two pets currently staying in my studio. They're pretty funny little birds, sort of like manic three-year-olds. Their standard whistle is a loud wolf whistle, a little embarassing to hear in the background when I'm talking on the phone.
They are supposedly able to do a little imitative stuff, but we've had no luck teaching them anything new. At one point, they mimicked the noise of the buttons on our microwave, because their cage used to be on the other side of the kitchen wall from it, but that's about it.
Until the other day when I was putting them out in our mudroom to hang with the other little beasties. They both got excited when they realized they were getting out of their cage, and made this funny little chittering noise.
I finally figured out what the noise is.
It's the noise my studio door makes (squick-squick-squick--iiiick!) when I open it.
They had learned to equate the sound of that door opening with interesting change (either me coming into the studio or leaving, or them leaving.)
Now, I wish I had something more profound to write about today, but truth be told, this little thought about the cockatiels just hasn't gone away for two days. I finally realized what was intriguing me about this.
Why are they imitating the door opening and closing??
Part of it, of course, is the reason above--it represents something that excites them, for good or ill. (They hate it when I leave the studio.)
But mostly, it's because this sound is always in their environment, and it always sounds the same--squick-squick-squick--iiiick!) And so that's what they've learned to say to me.
As artists, what sounds are always in OUR environment? And have we inadvertantly learned to repeat those sounds?
What if the buzz in our head is always saying, "I'm not good enough I'm not good enough I'm not good enough"? Is that what we'll say when asked why we didn't apply to a show?
If it's always saying, "What's the use what's the use what's the use", is that what we'll say when asked why we haven't sent out an exhibit proposal like we said we would?
I heard someone on a radio podcast, talking about (of all things) therapeutic exercises to eliminate pain. (Pete Egoscue, whose books I'm hooked on lately.) He said there are three components to living a full life--ABC. A for attitude, our outlook on life, the story we tell ourselves for why things are the way they are--which we CHOOSE daily. B is for balance--and when things are out of balance, that's when things go wrong. And C for commitment, for having the courage to make the changes that count.
ABC.... Is it really that simple?
After hearing the cockatiels with their squeaky door imitation, I thought hard about what's in my head lately. And it was the junk stuff. I SAID I wasn't going to listen, but it's still there. Do I want to play it back to myself in real life? Or will I take the first step (again) and CHOOSE a different attitude?
Maybe I should oil that door today.
