The traditional model of learning is, students are told what someone thinks they need to know. Works most of the time, and in most situations.
But there’s nothing more frustrating than having someone answer a question you haven’t asked. Or someone who has one answer for every question.
Sometimes, of course, we are so far off track that the question we’re asking ISN’T the one that needs answering. Here’s a quick story about that.
I was part of a small artist support group. One member had targeted one publisher as the only one she would consider selling her illustrations to, and sent them her portfolio. Her work was rejected and sent back. “How do you deal with rejection?” she asked.
This one is easy. She truly was asking the wrong question. She was accepting a roadblock. The question she COULD have asked were, “Did the person who makes the decision about this actually see my work?” (It turns out the portfolio was rejected while the actual decision-maker was on vacation.) Or perhaps, “WHY was my work rejected?” Maybe they’d just hired a slew of illustrators and couldn’t hire a new one just yet. Or perhaps, “Why are you operating on a model of scarcity and narrowed your options to ONE PUBLISHER?” Or even, “Are you accepting defeat so easily because this is not really your highest vision for yourself? Shall we talk about what you’d REALLY like to be doing instead?”
But in these support groups, I also learned (and am still learning) another principle. Many times, what we need to know is how to take the next step. And that all depends on where the person is going.
If you make assumptions about where the person needs to go next, if you make assumptions about what is in their heart, if you make assumptions that their goals are exactly like your goals, and if you DO NOT LISTEN to what they are really asking, then you will answer the wrong question.
Listen to the question before you answer.
