I’ve been feeling restless lately. Even though I try to write almost daily in my blog, there are things to be written that really are only for me to read and ponder. I’ve been missing that very private place where I write desperately every day.
So today I gave up trying to find my day journal, which has been lost for a month, and started journaling in my bright orange “alternate journal”, the one I write in when I can’t find my regular journal. It felt good to be journaling again, even if it was in the “wrong” place.
It hit me today that it was better to write “all over the place” than to wait til I could write “in the right place”. After all, the writing is for ME. Why did it have to be done “right”?
And that got me thinking as I wrote.
A friend had written, “I’m afraid to ask for what is really in my heart.” When I read that, I thought, “why?” Who but your heart would hear? (And your Higher Power, of course….)
Then I thought, “What would I ask for if only I could hear?”
I had decided to write a prayer and simply ask for help in my “stuck” place. I was thinking about what to ask for….
I started to write the usual lofty goals for myself. I DO believe you should dream your best dream for yourself. It’s at the heart of how I’ve accomplished everything I’ve done to date. But today, the prayer seemed not to be about ME, but someone else I thought I’d like to be instead.
What’s wrong with the “me” I already am?
Yes, I’d be the first to admit I have plenty of room for improvement. I know I’m not perfect, though in fact I don’t always know who the perfect “me” would be. I’m sure you’d get a different answer if you asked my husband, my kids, my parents, my in-laws, my friends, my galleries, etc.
But if the heart of my art is the fact that this is the work of my hand, inspired by the thoughts of my heart, and I am the only person who can do exactly this work….
Why would I want to change who I am?
So I changed my prayer. “Help me to be my authentic self. Help me simply be “me”. Not what others think I SHOULD be, but just the best “me” I can be.”
I think that will be good enough for today. Heck, maybe it will be my New Year's resolution...
