Someone wrote to me recently saying they were trying to lose their pessimistic outlook, but it was hard.
Oh, I hear you.
Old habits die hard. And that’s what that pessimistic outlook is, a habit—and a bad one. We learn from an early age not to get our hopes up, not to put all our eggs in one basket, to be careful what we wished for (we might get it!) These thoughts act as dampers on our enthusiasm and dreams.
A friend called it the "lizard brain", that instinctive first reaction that keeps us "safe". "Don't take that opportunity, you might screw it up!" "Don't send out that proposal, they'll probably laugh." "Who am I to think I could do that?!" Because taking risks is scary, and failing feels even worse.
But the lizard brain doesn't care if we're actually *happy*. It only cares that we survive long enough to be around another day.
And it doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between something we should be AFRAID of (crossing a busy street without looking both ways) to things we are WORRIED about (we might look stupid if we show up at a party with mismatched socks.)
It’s okay to want more from life than that. It’s okay to take risks. Some people’s risks involve jumping off bridges with a stretchy cord tied to their ankle, or climbing rock faces. My risk-seeking behavior is much more manageable, thank you. I take risks by making stuff I think is beautiful, and seeing if other people agree with me enough to buy it.
It *is* hard to change that ol' pessimist outlook, and it never completely goes away. But eventually, you get in the habit of thinking differently, or at least acting differently--and therein lies the difference.
So the next time the lizard brain chatters, don’t try to deny it, especially if it says you really shouldn’t accept that huge offer of riches from that dying man in Nigeria. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
I say something like, "There you go again! Okay, I promise to buckle my seatbelt today, and to look both ways before crossing the street. And it IS odd there are so many dying guys in Nigeria who would like to give me a million dollars....hmmmm. But I AM sending that press release out today, because I want people to know about my work. So chill!"
Learn to discern the real risks from free-floating anxiety. Establish the habit of believing you can find what is meaningful to you in life, and pursue it with your whole heart. THAT'S the habit you want to keep.
Because always choosing to be safe keeps you in a very tiny place. Thinking with optimism takes you to a very big place, as big as the ocean. Your courage and your belief in yourself make a very sturdy boat that’s ultimately hard to sink.
