I was talking with another artist, Deb Trotter, by e-mail yesterday. Deb's website is "Cowboy's Sweetheart", which you can see here:
http://cowboyssweetheart.typepad.com/my_weblog/
She said when she asks someone if they've read my blog lately, they respond, "Oh, I've been meaning to...." She says, "I think sometimes they are afraid they'll read something and it will remind them of something they are doing wrong - and they don't want to know about it."
Oh, dear. I've become the nagging mother of the art world....
Guilt CAN be a fine motivator. Why, even now I'm thinking of that article I should be working on. (Why do I think of these things when I'm in the middle of another task??)
And that's the main problem with Guilt As Motivator--its timing. It has a TERRIBLE sense of timing. Guilt is strongest at 3 a.m., when we are least able (or willing) to respond to its demands.
Guilt also makes an unpleasant companion. We have an acquaintance whose total modus operandi is "guilt". When they introduce themselves, the first words out of their mouth is, "I'm disabled, you know", and it goes downhill from there. I'm sure you all know someone like this. Please join us in hiding behind the living room curtains when they show up....
So the thought that my little essays make people feel guilty made me feel....well, GUILTY.
So rest assured. First of all, I am NOT your mother. If you don't feel like cleaning your studio today, then don't. I didn't, and I'm still walking and talking.
Secondly, if you've learned anything by reading my blog, you've learned I DO NOT DO IT ALL. I forget stuff, I drop balls, I don't get stuff right the first time. I've been stuck and blocked, and fallen off my diet. Sometimes I even skip kickboxing for no reason other than I don't want to go, though I know I should.
Because I, you, all of us are HUMAN. And human beings mess up. Not just occasionally, not just sometimes. We mess up ALL THE TIME. Once my sister spoke ruefully about an accident that was all her fault, the result of something stupid she'd done and my mother said gently, "That's why we don't call them "on purposes"..."
What I want you to do today is to forgive yourself. Forgive someone else. Let go of perfection, performance and peer review, and simply move forward.
Remember Anna Malaveras and the stinky twins--BO and BS (Blaming Others and Blaming Self) and let go of who screwed up.
If the world needed PERFECT art, then we would have figured out how to get computers to make it.
And surely you've figured out by now, that the reason I write this blog is that, in urging YOU to do this, I am actually reassuring MYSELF.
The world simply needs YOUR art. The best you can do, as much as you can do, whenever you can get to it. Lose the guilt, and take a little joy instead.
