Remember me writing last week about getting advice that floored me? I was struggling to process everything I'd been told. I was devastated that I wasn't as far along as I'd thought in some areas of my biz.
I was so down I actually thought about throwing in the towel. There was too much to think about, too many changes to make, too many suggestions that seemed to conflict with my core vision for my work.
Of course, after a few days of whimpering and whining, I was just fine.
What happened was I was finally able to absorb the impact.
Here are the things I did right:
1) After asking for advice, I did not argue with it....much.
I know how it feels when people ask ME for advice, and then argue with me. Or get angry. Or simply walk away without even saying thank you. That's what you can do with UNASKED-FOR advice. But not when you ASK it.
2) So I thanked the person with all my heart. As another friend said, "You know they want the best for you." And I believe that.
3) I gave myself time to really think about what I'd been told. And looked for the gold.
I thought really, really hard. In the best advice, someone addresses your blind spot--helps you see something you have been unaware of or unwilling to look at.
In the worst advice, there is still a nugget of truth, enough for it to bypass your shit detector and pierce your armor. That's how it gets through--it's like an arrow with a tiny coating of kryptonite on the point.
You sift through all that was said, separating out the good stuff. Or, to phrase it better, sorting out the path you are willing and able to follow from alternative paths the advisor sees for you.
Because ALL advice--good and bad--is simply someone envisioning another path you could take.
4) After a lot of soul-searching and thinking, I found the nuggets I wanted to keep. I found the path I wanted to take.
And let go of the rest.
Because ultimately, NO ONE ELSE can tell YOU what to do. No one else is on YOUR path, or has YOUR goals, or knows YOUR heart.
If you have picked your friends and advisors carefully, then they wish the best for you. They see many possible paths for you. But YOU are the one who gets to choose.
As I write this, I suddenly think of my daughter.
I have plenty of advice for her. I have lots of ideas of what's best for her. Some of them are good ideas. Some of it is hopelessly off the mark, driven by MY fears and MY short-sightedness and MY blind spots.
But all of it comes with love and good intentions.
Ultimately, though, she will find her own path, and live life her own way. As I have.
Once again, I am amazed at how pursuing my art is a constant voyage of discovery.
And I'm struck anew how little of this is about the destination. It's all about the journey.
