Recently a friend posted to an on-line forum, announcing a change. She and a group of people had opened a co-op craft gallery awhile back. She now realizes it's just not for her, and has withdrawn from the venture.
I wrote to her to support her decision. And to note the courage it takes to do that.
Life can be conflicted sometimes. On one hand we are urged to "stay the course" and not give up. "Don't be a quitter!" we're told. Stay focused, overcome obstacles, persevere. Just look at the movies that abound with this theme, of the hero who overcomes all odds and achieves success.
But sometimes we just find ourselves headed down a path that isn't right for us. And it can take just as much courage to say, "I made a mistake. This isn't for me."
Yesterday I was talking with my husband and to my horror, these words popped out of my mouth: "I just don't want to make wall hangings anymore."
I practically threw my hands up to my mouth. I couldn't believe I'd said that.
Jon said, "Do you really feel that way?"
And suddenly, I didn't know.
I know I don't feel like making them RIGHT NOW. But I also didn't want to say, "I'm done."
And that's what all the agonizing over the past year boils down to.
When it works, it's great.
When it doesn't, it sucks. And then I think I don't want to do it anymore.
That's why I've hung back from huge steps forward, in spite of knowing it's what I should be doing.
But I'm not saying I'm done. Because I knew the second those words were out of my mouth, I WASN'T done.
I know when I make a wall hanging that's good, I feel totally different. I feel like I've really accomplished something marvelous. And that feels great.
I like that feeling. And I don't want to walk away from that.
I also realized that right now, my studio is not set up to do wall hangings. It's too cluttered, too messy. Not enough open space to lay out a new piece.
And maybe that's why I don't want to do a new piece. It means I'd have to clean my studio.
I just realized I have an unemployed high school graduate on the premises.
Guess what my daughter is going to be doing this week?
