If you haven’t already read this book by Greg Behrendt, drop everything and order it IMMEDIATELY. You may not be in a dating scene anymore, but if you have any friends at all, I bet you LISTEN to them talk about their dating. Get this book and let them borrow it. MAKE them borrow it (especially your women friends….)
I bought it recently, partly out of curiosity and partly to help advise my teen daughter through her break-up with her boyfriend. It was a good hour read, funny, witty, warm, and most of all, insightful. When I told my mom about it, she said, “Why would you have to read a BOOK to find that out??” I dunno, mom, but I wish I’d read it in high school….
The essence of the book is simply this: Girls, if a guy is too busy too call you, doesn’t want to stay over because he has a big meeting tomorrow, forgets your birthday even after you drop tons of hints, ignores you at parties, doesn’t want to get involved right now because he’s afraid of commitment or getting over a bad divorce or because work is sucking up all his time, dump him. Forget the endless discussions about what he's thinking, what he needs, what you should do, how you should handle it, how much time he needs to get over whatever. Because, bottom line, he’s just not that into you. Because if he were REALLY into you, nothing could keep him away from you. He would do everything in his power NOT to lose you.
The corollary is more pleasant. Mr. Behrendt says he doesn’t intend to sound mean. But if you are wasting your time pining for someone who just isn’t that into you, it means you are missing out on finding that guy who is. You need to cut your losses and get out, so you can find that special man who will love you and do everything he can to keep you. (For the sake of simplicity, we will assume this special guy is not a psychopathic stalker.)
Why am I writing about this today? Because I’m reminded of a gallery I pursued ardently a few years ago. I dreamed of them carrying my work. When I stopped in, I would dazzle them with my charm and wit. I would impress them with my professionalism and business sense. But they showed no interest in my work.
When I told a friend, she said, in essence, “Drop it. They’re just not that into you.” She said, “For whatever reason, they are just not interested in carrying your work. It may be a bad fit, they may be changing direction, they may be going out of business, they may be idiots. It may be a good reason or a bad reason. But you’re not going to change their mind by being nice. The work either is a good fit or a bad fit. That’s what they’ll base their decision on.”
She added, “And while you’re wasting your energy banging down their door, you are missing an opportunity to find a place, maybe right down the street from them, who would LOVE to carry your work! Move on.”
So my professional advice to you today is, when you can’t get on board with the dream gallery, wake up and move on. It’s not personal, it’s not the end of the world. Like Greg says, “They just aren’t that into you.”
