A friend and I went on a road trip Monday. She said it was my turn to talk, and hers to listen, so talk I did.
I went over a few dilemnas that have been keeping me up at the wee hours lately. Carol is an excellent sounding board, and she had thoughtful things to say about each one.
Mostly she gave me good feedback about which sticky situations I was responsible for, along with great suggestions on how to un-stick them.
But what was REALLY helpful was her feedback on the stickies I was NOT responsible for.
It was wonderful and "grounding". Some of the problems simply melted away under such a pragmatic eye. And others I can now approach with a new strategy.
As I thought the problems we'd talked about, I realize there is a common denominator to all of them.
I felt responsible for all of them.
Even the ones not of my making. Even the ones not under my control. Even the ones I could really do nothing about....
I've heard for years that this time of life is called "the change" not just because our bodies change, but because our FOCUS also changes. We may not feel so driven to take care of everyone else at the expense of OUR physical and mental well-being.
I've been awaiting THAT change eagerly. But it doesn't seem to be happening.
I'm feeling overwhelmed when I feel even MORE caught up in taking care of people, things, situations. And even MORE stressed out when I can't do it.
I've been feeling like this is going to last forever. And THAT's what's been really, really hard about going through "the change"--the fact that I'm NOT changing.
Then it hit me.
Maybe that part of me, that part of my brain, IS changing.
Perhaps there is a mighty battle going on. I can now sense that all this "caring", all this turmoil, this desire to "fix things", IS out of whack. I'm urging it to let go.
And it's fighting hard NOT to let go.
That makes sense to me right now. Because all of a sudden, I could "hear" what Carol was saying when she would say, "That, my dear, is not YOUR problem. You don't have to fix that. You just have to let it go."
My relief was palpable. And I slept easier that night.
Don't worry, I don't plan on losing ALL my nurturing facilities. I LIKE caring about people, things, and situations. I LIKE sharing what I've learned. I LIKE caring about my family, my friends, the earth, even the feral pigeons.
But it will be a huge relief to also be able to pick and choose. And to see more clearly WHAT is worth my attention, and to really let go of the things that AREN'T.
And it will be heaven when I can stop taking responsibility for things I simply do not need to be responsible for.
Bring it on!
