This holiday season, I seem to be drawn to a certain kind of story in the news or in magazines. Even in my personal life, as a wife, as a mother, as an artist, I'm finding a common thread.
I'm thinking the best gift you can give someone you care about, is the belief that they are capable of change.
I'm not just talking about courses of ACTION people can take. Change can also be a change of heart, a change in our thinking. Even very small changes that allow for bigger things to happen.
I read an interview of Oprah this morning, about her far-reaching plans to educate and care for a small school of girls in Africa. She will do her best to empower these young women, who in turn may go on to effect great change in their country. She is impatient with critics who question her choice of countries, her motives, her ability to carry through. She angers at the media's attempt to discredit celebrities adopting third-world children. "Quit criticizing Madonna for adopting an African child!," she scolds. "Stop trying to guess her motivation! She SAVED A CHILD'S LIFE!"
I know of other intiatives, one based right here in New Hampshire http://www.rubiahandwork.org/ that focus on very small changes. Their goal? To provide destitute women around the world a way to earn a living. That small change--finding ways for poor women to generate income--creates ripples in their communities that could potentially change the world.
Change doesn't have to be physical. It can be the change in our assumptions about ourselves, and what we are capable of. It can be the thought that maybe we CAN be the person we dream of being.
The story I told here a few entries ago, about the woman who chose to wear my jewelry as a small step to celebrate a major change in her life, is such an example.
Other examples are the people who have bought my work over the years, people who have told me it's because the story I tell about MY work encouraged them to think they, too, could make such changes in THEIR lives. When I'm feeling discouraged or disparaging about my work, it's good to remember this--that giving someone even a teensy bit of courage to change, is worthwhile.
The change can be smaller yet. It can be as simple as reminding someone, "You are loved." In the eighties, there was a popular little acronym, "IALAC". I have no idea how to pronounce it, but it stood for the phrase, "I am loveable and capable." Simple words, profound concept.
Last week, I alluded to a "project" I was working on for someone I love who is struggling right now. It was for my son, who's having a hard time. Our family, and a few close friends, surprised him one evening with a real-life episode of "While You Were Out".
While he was at school, we transformed his little animal-den of bedroom (which he'd tried to redo himself but quickly been overwhelmed) into a beautiful room any young man would be proud of. Not much money was involved--a few cans of paint, a new rug, some coordinating bedding, a chair on sale at Pier 1. But the effect was stunning.
As my son sat in his nice new "pad", surrounded by a band of excited and exurberant "conspirators", it was easy to see that it wasn't just the new digs that moved him to tears. It was the thought made tangible, that he was someone we cared about.
Every day since then, he has made his bed every morning before going off to school. Yesterday he vacuumed his rug. He seems a wee bit happier.
Another friend is a Big Sister. Years ago, in her own quiet way, she made room for a little girl in her busy, hectic life. The rewards have run both ways, Barbara insists. But I am moved by the implications of her actions, and what it has meant to the young recipient. How powerful this simple act is, saying, "You are worth spending time with. I care."
There are some things we cannot change. There are some people we cannot change. Sometimes we can only hold them, and love them, from a distance. Sometimes we have to leave them, because our love for them, or their love for us, is not enough.
But sometimes it is. Sometimes--and this is the miracle--sometimes people DO change. Sometimes for love, sometimes from hope. Sometimes from acts, very large acts and very small ones, of kindness.
Sometimes it's a WalMart gift card. Sometimes it's a heart-to-heart talk. Sometimes it's just listening. Sometimes, it's just being there.
Sometimes we get to see it--what joy we get! Sometimes we don't--what faith we must have!
These are the true Christmas miracles.
What are the miracles in YOUR life today?
