Two different friends who'd been out of touch for months both called me last week. It was great catching up, and I was amazed by what both had accomplished in their "down times."
Both of these people are somewhat infamous for "disappearing" from their social scene, sometimes for months at a time. The first time it happens, you feel anxiety--is she okay? Did something happen? (Hence my mother's line, "We thought you were lying in a ditch somewhere...")
Then you start to agonize--was it something I said? Is she mad about something I did?? You start to wrack your brain for all the things you could apologize for. (For someone like me, with a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease, the list is endless.)
Then you get angry--how dare they??!! How awful, to just leave you hanging like that, without a word of explanation!
Invariably, just when you've given up all hope of the friendship, the phone rings. "I'm back!" they exult.
And it turns out it wasn't really about you. It was about THEM--some crisis they're going through, some major project that took all their time and energy.
As the years go by, I've gotten used to the process. I don't assume it's about me anymore. Whatever's going on, I'll find out about it at some point. I understand that these folks simply need to go to ground for awhile. And when they're through with what they've got to go through, they'll surface again.
Today, I find myself actually envying them the process. I look at what they've accomplished in those self-enforced sabbaticals. It's impressive.
One person has completely renovated and rehabbed her home, all by herself. Walls have come down, siding has gone up, floors have been sanded and stained, entire floors and layouts reoriented. It's taken a lot of sweat equity and time and focus. But she has the beautiful house she's dreamed of her entire life, and the thrill of learning how to do stuff herself.
Another has thrown herself into a frenzy of artistic creation. After going through a tumultous period of job upheaval and career crisis, she's established a regular pattern of going to her studio and working on her art. She's succeeded in redefining herself as the artist that, for years, she hardly dared hoped she could be. In an incredibly short period of time, she has the beginnings of a body of work any artist could be proud of.
I did a little something along these lines recently. And it worked.
Last weekend marked three huge deadlines for me. I lay awake for weeks beforehand, hardly able to breathe in the dark. I could not figure out how I was going to meet them. I had no ideas, no strategy, and no solutions to what seemed like insurmountable creative obstacles.
So I did something highly unusual for me.
I quit answering the phone.
For a week, I did not check messages, return calls, or pick up the phone. I figured if it were an emergency, I would find out soon enough.
I went to work-outs, I ran errands, I spent time with my family. But not til I'd put in a full day on these critical projects ALL DAY. I simply shut myself in my studio for five days and worked. With NO interruptions. If someone succeeded in tracking me down, I offered no apologies, and I kept all such interruptions short.
To my amazement, it worked.
Lo and behold, once I gave my undivided attention to the tasks in front of me, creative solutions appeared. I was able to work faster and more efficiently. I succeeded in meeting all three deadlines.
I'm remembering now that I USED TO DO THAT, years ago when I first started all this art stuff. My creative time was sacred. I said no to everything but my art, for hours and days and weeks at a time.
I can't keep it up, of course. Life, friends, family, pets, sunshine and chocolate have a way of breaking through. Some other deadlines came up in the meantime, too. And a few people were miffed I didn't return phonecalls as quickly as I usually do.
But I was also surprised how many of these "urgencies" could wait. How many solved themselves without my getting involved.
And I was blown away by how much more I got done each day when I quit trying to take care of EVERYTHING as it crossed my path.
Suddenly, the self-imposed sabbatical my friends go through periodically seems mighty appealing....
It seems hard, as a woman, to let go of being responsible for everything I think I should be.
But oh, what an exhilarating, liberating feeling when I do!
