I got home from vacation and found a pile of ready-made to-do's for my list in my studio. (Going away for a few weeks will do that....) Uppermost in priority is an order for a mail order catalog, quite a large order.
I'm glad I gave them a realistic lead time for reorders, instead of my usual "optimistic artist" lead time. I've learned the hard way to allow for a jammed fax machine, sick cats, and school field trips.
The trouble with deadlines is, they tend to come in groups.
As I sit in my studio, churning out dozens and dozens of earrings, my hands relax into production mode. I love this--how quickly my hands can work at something I've made many, many times. I didn't realize how fast I could work til I saw myself on TV for a "New Hampshire Chronicle" episode (which you can see at my homepage.) My hands fairly flew from task to task, never pausing, never hesitating. It fascinated ME.
I'm often asked if this is monotonous or boring. I answer, "Yes...and no."
Yes, it's not nearly as fun to make dozens or even hundreds as something as it is to make three. You find your brain fighting it at first, and dismay can set in. But just like anything else in life that's "good for you" (exercising, flossing, eating more vegetables), if you just keep at it, the process has its own rewards.
The first is usually the comfort that sets in, simply knowing what comes next. I KNOW how many I have to make to fill the order. I KNOW what steps I have to take. I KNOW exactly I need to have on hand. I KNOW what the finished earrrings will look like. And I KNOW when I'll be done. (It helps to also KNOW that, in 60 days, I'll have another really nice check in my mailbox....)
This process becomes a meditation. It frees up the mind to tend to other problem, allows it to wander down other paths.
For example, today, on step number twelve or so of the production process, I suddenly get an insight into my last round of anxiety attacks at 4 a.m.
It's....another deadline. The BIG DEADLINE.
Why do I feel so much frustration at being at a crossroads? Why so much dismay at starting over with a new direction in my art? And at the hard work that lies ahead. Why so much anxiety at what's on my plate and all the things I have to do?
Because I feel I might die before I finish it all.
And the absurdity of this hits me, hard.
It's not a race.
I've made it into a race. How much success can I garner in the shortest amount of time? How much work can I sell? How much money can I make? How soon can I prove myself to the outside world? How much can I cram in before I "shuffle off this mortal coil?"
And suddenly it all seems a bit silly.
I'll still finish this order, and on time. I like the company a lot—they've been good to me and they are good to work for. The money will allow me to finance my next big steps in the art world next year.
There are a lot more things I need to finish, too.
But the only truly important thing I need to do before the Ultimate Deadline is...
Take care of my body so it can do all the things I want to do in the years ahead.
Tell my loved ones they are just that—loved.
Live my life the way that brings me the most joy and fulfillment.
And share that process with others.
Oh...and buy new socks for Doug, who had to plow through six baskets of laundry this morning to find a matching pair for the first day of school here in Keene, NH.
