I did it AGAIN.
I went to Tae Kwo Do last night. We did a kicking work-out. The instructor yelled, "Faster!" and I didn't want to be the one everyone was waiting on.
So I picked up the pace a wee bit, landed wrong on my foot, and injured my Achilles tendon.
Here I am on a Friday evening. I had to skip my riding lesson. I had to go see the doctor. I have an appointment set up for physical therapy. I've been told to take it easy for the next few weeks.
Again.
I'm feeling pretty stupid. The instructor wasn't urging ME to go past my limits--he was yelling at the green belts. I'M the one who felt I had to prove something--that I may be older, but I'm still a competent student.
Well, I went over that delicate balance between challenge and injury, and landed hard on the injury side.
It wasn't even my own challenge. I was worried what other people would think if I didn't try harder. Even though I should know by now that is NOT the way to get what I need. The only thing I get with that attitude is more injuries.
I told myself I would not give in to self-pity, nor get angry with myself.
I went swimming instead. And with each stroke, I chanted to myself, "I....can....handle....this."
I realize I walk a delicate balance in everything I do. Working out. Friendships. Relationships. In my business. And with my art.
I need to push myself enough to challenge myself, to make myself grow stronger, physically, emotionally, artisically.
And yet hold just enough back so as not to injure myself, or others.
As in martial arts, so in my art. There's that same balance between taking the professional risks that challenge me, without injuring my bottom line (and my ego) irreparably.
Although I have no idea what to expect from my upcoming wholesale show (ACRE, the American Craft Retailers Expo) in Las Vegas, I know I have to try. Sometimes I get freaked out thinking out it--"What am I doing??!!" Other times, I feel it is a reasonable venture.
Hopefully, I will find buyers who are looking for work that has a more western/southwestern/northwestern feel.
If not, I know I will come home feeling like I need to crawl into a barrel and mosey on over Niagra Falls....
But not for long. I know if this show is not a good fit for my work, I will just have to get over it and try a whole 'nother strategy.
Like my tendon, my ego will eventually heal. And like my injury won't keep me away from martial arts very long, guessing wrong will not discourage me from making my art. Not for very long, at least.
I've gotten very good at not giving up.
