Yesterday, as I had my "exit interview" with my kickboxing instructor, I mentioned that I was still riding once a week.
(Trust me on this--we are not godawful rich, this is just so important to me I am willing to give up, say, driving a car less than ten years old....)
He was bemused by the thought of me doing that. "How's that going?," he asked.
I replied, "Well, today was good. The horse listened to me better." Then, after I thought a moment, I added, "And I'm getting better at telling him what I want."
He laughed, and we talked on. But I'm sitting here thinking today that I spoke wiser than I knew.
When you start from scratch riding a horse, it feels like they are very stupid. "I want you to go left!", you think. And they insist they have no intention of going left.
As you go along, you eventually realize that you may have WANTED to go left, but your body, your hands and even your fear was saying something totally different. Your right knee says, "Give way!" But your left knee is saying, "I'm afraid to be loose, I might fall off!" Your hands are saying, "Stop!" Your seat is saying, "Wait! I'm not balanced!"
Your horse is trying to figure out what you want it to do. And admittedly, trying to figure out how to get out of doing it, too. They ARE lazy. (No offense, people are, too.)
So he might go left, he might go right. He might stop.
It's even funnier when you want to canter. Your right heel says, "Canter!" Your thighs are saying, "WHOA!!!"
Which set of instructions do you think a horse is going to believe?
Yesterday during my riding lesson, while I was trying out different exercises, I exclaimed to my instructor, "I just THOUGHT about going left, and he went left!" The instructor replied, "That's great!! That's a good place to be!"
Of course, the horse wasn't really reading my mind. He was responding to my unconscious, UNMUDDLED message from me--"Go left!" And he did.
The point of learning to ride is, to learn how to be VERY CLEAR in your INTENTIONS. Not only with your hands, but with your calf, your seat, your head, and if necessary, your crop. Every signal is at one. The horse has no choice but to got where you are saying you want to go.
And the practice is all about getting to the point where you don't have to think about your seat, your hands, your knees. All becomes a whole-hearted intention--"Go left!"
And the horse is actually happier for it. "You're the boss!", he says. "Here we go!"
I realize that my art needs a "whole-hearted intention", too.
When it comes to making and marketing my art, I realize that sometimes I'm not really sure what I want to happen from all my efforts. Oh, sure, we may think, "I want to be a great artist!" Or, "I want to be a financially successful artist!"
But sometimes I look at what I'm really signaling, and it may be just as muddled as my signals to the horse. "I'm afraid! I need reassurance." "I'm feeling incompetent--I need income!" "I need feedback--is it good work??" "I'm feeling mortal--I just need to get this out of my head and onto a canvas/stand/someotherpresentationthingies."
Our intentions must be just as fully "signaled". If we are conflicted in our goals, then some of our efforts may cancel out other efforts.
Play devil's advocate for a bit. Think of your goals for your art.
Are ALL your efforts devoted to this goal?
Are you second-guessing yourself? Playing it safe? Trying to hold back?
It's okay if you are. We're human, after all.
But think about this. The more I know how a horse thinks, the more clearly I see MY responsibility for his actions.
When our efforts are fully aligned with our vision for ourselves, THAT is when we will see more feedback, better results.
And do NOT beat yourself up if you are still on "broadcast" mode for your art. That's where we all start, and probably where we revisit when we are unsure what to do next. "Try everything!" sometimes works.
But know that nothing is more powerful than a fully-focused effort, with all your heart, and mind, and soul behind it.
