For years I was a little embarassed to talk about my little horses and fish. It seemed silly to get so excited about them. It was hard to explain why I loved making them so much.
Now, suddenly, just as I was determined to "move away" from animals, I find them more powerful and compelling than ever.
My friend Lease begged me for a bull for years. I finally felt compelled to make her one. I've thought about it, but it only became clear how to do it a few weeks ago. She encouraged me to "go" with the animals more, too. "You've got an old soul," she says. "Don't ignore that! Work with it!"
I've added bears, bison and Lease's bull, and a sweet little bird. Two birds, actually. One looks for all the world like a puffin. I call him "Sea Bird". The other looks more like a sparrow, and I don't have a name for him yet. They seem gentle and quiet to me. Not as anxious as the fish, whose eyes roll at every movement and disturbance in their watery home.
As I've added animals to my work, I've become even more excited by them. It's so important they look a certain way, and have certain details.
I feel odd "rules" bubbling up.
All of them face left. Even if they are 2-sided or in the round, I have to shape them facing left first.
The horses must have eyes. In fact, I place the eyes first. Then the nose. And then....the mane. But no mouths. Why? I don't know. Except I read somewhere that horses ONLY breathe through their noses.
The fish have mouths, but no noses. Hmmmmmm....well, that makes sense. They DON'T have noses. But why do I never mark them with a handprint??
Bears have eyes and noses AND mouths. So do the birds.
The fish can't look like they're having too much fun. In fact, they usually look downright crabby. I have never figured out why, except I could imagine an ancient Fossil Fish waking up in a bed of sedimentary rock thousands of years later and yelling, "Where is my damn OCEAN??!!"
I'm suddenly surrounded by people pointing out the importance of these little totems. Friends have recommended the writings of Ted Andrews ("ANIMAL SPEAK: The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great & Small") and Jamie Sams ("Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals").
And the odd thing is, none of this seems strange or wacky or new-age-y to me. It feels extremely comfortable and natural. Almost a relief to be able to think about them this way.
My friend Lorna says I'm unconsciously telling stories, MY stories, through these totems. And a big part of my story is sharing my journey with women who have not yet had the courage to tell THEIR stories. "How many times have I heard you use that word, "story"?! You use it CONSTANTLY when you talk about your artwork", she points out.
She calls the horses "sky dogs", which sounds right somehow. The bears, she declares, are female introspection. What a good totem for a menopausal woman artist! What are the fish? "Food!" she exclaims. "And don't laugh! Food is important!"
Especially chocolate.
I feel like I'm ready to tell a whole new set of stories with these little figurines.
