There are some events going on in my life I can't talk about right now, for legal reasons. They are stressful. Did I need to add them into my life right now? No. But there you are.
They are things that need to be done. And someone needs to do it.
Sometimes you choose life, and sometimes life chooses you.
I don't mean to be too cryptic--it's just that the themes are still jumbled in my head this morning. It will take some time for me to sort it out into something coherent that can be shared with others.
But my heart knows what's going on.
Both deal with how to limit the influence of people who would willingly, joyfully, limit other people's power. People who believe my way or the highway, their god or their god, people who behave like jerks and sneer at people who refrain from doing so--or take advantage of their restraint.
There are so many difficult people in the world.
There are people in the world who are so stuck in their heads, in their own little world. And their world IS little.
There is absolutely no place in it for another opinion, someone else's god, someone else's way of doing things, people of a certain race/color/creed/sex.
That world is so small.
There is no abundance there, either. Bridge-building is seen as a sign of weakness. Alternate points of view are seen as a sign of stupidity. If someone else "wins", it means they lose. They are sick with jealousy and insecurity.
I know just how they feel.
My hero right now is Anne Lamott, author of such books as "Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life" and "Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith".
I love her she recognizes in herself the same insecurities and jealousies and puny heart she sees in her enemies--as I do. I love her because she wants to slay her enemies in battle, just like I do. And somehow, she finds a way to, if not love them, then to move past them into where she should be going.
Difficult people have always been my bete noir. They are so damn....difficult! (to paraphrase Terry Gilliam.) Something about me seems to pull them out of the woodwork.
But I do have choices about where to put my energy.
I can fight them. Sometimes there's a time and place to do that.
I can try to figure them out. Sometimes compassion calls for that.
Or I can see them as the distraction and the annoyance they are--and move on.
And be thankful I have the determination to not be the same kind of person myself, whatever my all-to-human inclination.
Thank you, Anne, for writing about your struggles with this. For being so very, very human and imperfect and angry--and still striving to be the best artist, the best mom, the best human being you can be.
