As far as little words go, "no" is one of the most difficult ones for me.
In previous posts, I've talked about dealing with GETTING no for an answer, and how to get past that personally, professionally, spiritually.
But what about when WE have to say "no"?
Sometimes it's easy. We're asked to do something we really don't want to do anyway. "Too busy," we say with a little fake wistfulness. "I wish I could help, but I'm just swamped."
It gets hard when it's something we WANT to do.
How do you decide when to say "no"?
I've written before about the importance of prioritizing. Making decisions that bring you constantly closer to your artistic and professional goals. Saying "no" to things that sap your time, your energy, your artistic power. Saying "no" to toxic people who do the same.
I've written about making a list of the pros and cons for any given opportunity, balancing what it will cost in time and energy vs. what can be gained in experience, connection, etc.
Sometimes it's easy.
Sometimes it's obvious there's really nothing in it for us. It's so far off our core vision, it's ridiculous. We only have so many hours/days/years to bring our artistic vision into this world--no time to waste on anything that does not further that goal!
Sometimes it's an opportunity we've already gotten as much as we can from. There's no need to do it again to learn the same lesson.
But other times it's just hard to figure out.
It's hard if you are trying to BE a "yes" person, to put yourself and your art out there. It's hard if you want to be open to new possibilities. It's hard when you know the power of networking and connecting with other people. And it's hard when sometimes you just want to be free to do something that ISN'T hardwired into your vision.
After all, some of my best opportunities have come from seemingly small things I've said "yes" to. Some of my best ideas for new artwork have come from customer requests I initially didn't want to bother with.
And some of the things that looked like powerful things to say "yes" to, didn't amount to a hill of beans.
There are so MANY things it's hard to say "no" to. I'm still a mother, a wife, a friend. Trying to make art and trying to be a good person can be a wicked balancing act. But I do not regret saying "yes" many, many times to my children, my husband, my friends, my family and my community.
It would be soooooo easy to say "no" to regular exercise. It takes up a huge chunk of my time. But it's also easy to see what the downside of that would be! In fact, the longer I can stay healthy and active, the longer I'll be able to keep making art throughout my life.
Speaking, writing, and teaching professional development takes time away from making art, too. Sometimes I think I should say "no" more often to those. But I realize my life is richer for sharing what I've learned. I think more clearly and more sanely when I write. And I've learned as much as I've taught for damn sure!
As I wrestle with concrete guidelines on when to say no, it comes to me: Maybe it's not SUPPOSED to be easy.
Maybe saying no too easily means being closed to the positive, closed to possibility, closed to happy accident. It means you are primed to set aside potential growth, to shy away from possible disappointment. It means you have to be willing to not respond to connections made, not to answer tothe powerful response you've created.
But saying no also means we recognize our own limitations. We are NOT Superwoman. We are just ordinary human beings, trying to do our best, to make our way (and our art) in this world without ignoring or stepping on others.
I think, as time goes by, it will get easier. I've noticed things have a way of working out in my life. A way of finding their own balance without me forcing it too much.
Trust the process.
Um....can you tell I've taken on two big new obligations in the next few weeks I have absolutely no time for?
